I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
