It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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