Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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