She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
