Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
