She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
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i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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