an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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