I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
