K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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