I just pynch a tree in the face
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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