You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
