you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
