this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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