If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
