Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
