Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
