I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
