What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she smelled like a LAN party
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
