spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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