I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
