his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
