if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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