You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
