Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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