Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
