The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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