Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
