Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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