I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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