no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
