so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
