dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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