remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
