Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
