i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
