Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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