please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
