smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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