yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.