I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
zippers are such a cool invention
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY