I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
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From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.