I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.