He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.