meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i barfeds in our rink
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me