you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
