haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
