My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
