I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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