Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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