How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
