i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Can Purell be used as lube?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
