The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize