I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.