Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.