Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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