woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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