my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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