She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
