I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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