I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
