Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
