Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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