That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
