it wasn't lemon gatorade
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
