I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
